Category: Sad

Confession post.

This is going to be a confession post.

I skipped school today, cuz it was raining so heavily at my place here. Alright, I know that the rain is an excuse. I was actually in school already, cuz Hammy came and fetch me to school, but I decided to turn back the way I came from, and skip the day’s lessons.

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And I’m feeling DAMN GUILTY now. Like something gnawing on my conscience constantly the entire day, nibbling on my nerves, making me snappy and unsettled.

I’m sad too, because I’ve been a naughty girl. I actually chose to NOT go into class when I was just outside the theatre. :(

Dunno what came over me.

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Think the long holiday rotting at home has done some damage.

I need to get my act together!

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(PS: Shh Don’t tell anyone else!)

Update post – new blog and milestone.

I haven’t been able to keep up with the One shot A day project! :( Haha cuz I haven’t really been going out and taking photos. So sorry! It’s really hard to take one photo a day, especially since for me, I keep going the same places all the time these few days, or some days I don’t even go out. I guess I just have to make do and try to take nice photos whenever I can!

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I have been working on my other blog called “Ageing with Love, in Singapore“, which will be housing my personal opinions and amateur writings on the topic of growing old in Singapore. It’s also me trying to be more serious in my discussions and in writing.

I have great dreams for this blog, I want to make it the blog where people go to read stories about brave/strong men and women who have experienced so much in life. I want to share their stories, so that they may inspire young people with teachings. I also want to draw light on the plight of some unfortunate and lonely elderly living alone in Singapore.

So far, I think it’s still pretty ‘jian bu de ren’(not presentable), with like only 3 posts. Haha when I think the time is more ripe, I will remind you guys to visit it again :)

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OKAY, writing all these down make it seem a lot more ‘in ink’, meaning I won’t forget about them. Cuz I have a goldfish brain, which I need to empty and fill in with Bio knowledge every exam period. Lol… So I tend to forget A LOT of things, like I can have totally no inkling that I said/saw/heard something, so called gaps in my memory.

Photo by bensonkua

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My first time using blogger, omg the HTML stuff was such a hassle, even though I chose a really simple blogskin. Nevertheless, it was fun trying to solve the problems. It’s actually very easy, just google. Haha. Quite cool, technology has enabled a person with zero knowledge of computer lingo to edit HTML.

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Oh, Mypeaceofheaven has reached 10,000 views since May last year :) This is a tiny but worth mentioning milestone I’ve been looking forward to. But compared to other blogs, 10,000 is really a puny number. Zzz nevermind, as long as I’m happy and smiling inside! =)

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And I noticed quite a number of people are searching for ‘blogshop buffet’ in search engines and ending up at my post “TheBlogshop’s Clothes Buffet Review“. Think it’s most likely due to the new clothes buffet by Milly’s that is coming up on 23rd and 24th July. By the looks of the post on QiuQiu’s blog, it seems quite a good deal. And hopefully they treat guests with respect.

I’m not going since I’ve burst my purse on deals, and I’m under ‘probation’, which means I cannot spend money on ‘wants’ until Chinese New Year and I have a proper job. I can only spend on ‘needs’. Lol.. Okay I still can laugh, means I’m really bonkers. Sigh. But I deserve it.

That’s all for updates! Have a nice weekend! :)

Meeting up with friends.

Last Saturday was super hectic and tiring cuz Hammy and I met up with friends for breakfast and lunch, and I had a BBQ session with my Uni mates at night. Quite unfortunately Hammy didn’t have the car on that day.

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Finally got to meet Hammy’s best female friend, J, whom he was very close with in the past. Heard about her from Hammy, but never got to know her in person as she was pursuing a degree in Veterinary Medicine in Australia. So when she came back this time, of course I would want to meet up right?? Haha in *protective girlfriend mode*.

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Went Old Airport to have famous Lor Mee for breakfast. The queue was crazy! We waited for about half an hour or so before tucking in. We reached there at about 11am and the prawn mee was already sold out by then.

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This is just 1/6 of the queue.

Sorry but there’s no picture of the Lor Mee! Was too hungry by then so I just started eating and forgot all to take a photo first! Haha. But it was good stuff! =D

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It wasn’t so bad meeting up with the bf’s female friend, I was afraid it was gonna be like me with my cat claws out and clawing her eyes and protecting my bunny. But she was friendly and I didn’t feel left out during the  whole meal. Haha got to know her better, and her angmoh boyfriend of 4 years is in Australia, so I think I don’t have to be like over-protective. Haha. I believe that it’s possible to have good platonic friendships, but that doesn’t mean that I will let my guard down ok! Grrr.

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Then we went to Nex’s Ajisen Ramen with Gerwyn for his birthday lunch. It was embarrassing at first cuz we went into MOF initially, sat down, flipped the menu a few times, and then decided that the price was too steep, and walked out. >.< But the staff was still polite and said ‘thank you’.

For a cheaper alternative, we headed to Ajisen.

I tag along most of the times when Hammy meet up with Gerwyn. It’s interesting to hear his love stories. Haha!

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By evening Hammy and I were damn tired already. Must be lack of exercise and sleeping and waking up late. But we still took the mrt all the way from serangoon to lakeside for my friend’s BBQ. Poor Hammy accompanied me on the train and I was super indecisive as to whether I should skip the BBQ cuz I was falling asleep.. we ended up taking the train to and fro joo koon and lakeside twice. In the end he was quite pissed with me. :(

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Met up with the NTU gang, thanks Edwin and Naz for organizing the BBQ!

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Our messy pile of food.

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Shafiq manning the pit.

Mostly it was the guys barbequeing the food and the girls just ate and ate. Thanks guys!

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Digital Polaroid!

See my tired face. Zah wearing her tudung in a fashionable way. And Calvin’s hair looks weird here.

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Ended the day quite badly when Hammy and I got into an argument cuz he called to rush me home. My house area isn’t really safe, with all the stabbings and suspicious people walking around at midnight, and he was also concerned that I was troubling Edwin and Naz for sending me home. He was frustrated that he couldn’t send me home and raised his voice at me. Then I was angry with him for being so fierce with me, and didn’t want to talk to him. Gah.

He drove down to my house the next morning with a Calzone (see the picture I took when we ate it at pastamania) and apologized, but that just made me angrier cuz I said that I wanted to be left alone. In the end we pissed off each other more, even though he came down with good intentions.

I couldn’t stay angry for long, and our longest coldwar ended after a day, when he called in the evening to apologize again… Everything’s okay now, and I feel really really bad cuz while I was sleeping the day away and just clearing my mind, he had a cold and no one was thereto take care of him. :(

Oh well… Sometimes I just feel that I’m a failure at everything. Bad daughter/gf/sister/student/worker/friend, and I’m useless cuz I can’t seem to protect myself if anything bad happens. I think I need to learn martial arts then Hammy will be less concerned that I’ll might be mugged or kidnapped.

She had, but now lost.

Gonna be a wordy post as I recount Hammy’s and my encounter with an old lady today. If you don’t like words, you may skip it, but it would be nice if you hear her story too.

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Anyway today, we met a lonely old lady at a HDB void deck while walking back from Old Airport hawker centre. When we saw her, she was having violent spasms and lost hold of her walking stick. For a moment, she leaned backwards and was almost going to fall, Hammy and I quickly ran forward to grab hold of her. We aid her back to the bench at the old citizens’ corner where she walked from.

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She was apologetic while explaining in fluent mandarin that her spasms are due to overactive nerves and not on purpose. The spasms come and go as they wish, and she has no control over them. We asked her where she was going and she said she was walking to Old Airport to buy a button and a new pair of slippers.  Hammy and I immediately voiced out our worries, it’s so dangerous for her to be out alone and what if it happened when she was crossing the road or anything? Plus the path to the market is not short, and she still needs to cross a road where there is no traffic light. We offered to walk back to buy the stuff she needs for her but she refused.

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Then she revealed her story.

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She had actually ‘ran out’ of house while her daughter-in-law was not at home to take a breather, and would very much like to walk to the market and buy those things herself. Ever since the spasms got worse, she has not gone out and not spoken to anyone, because her daughter-in-law doesn’t speak to her at home. Then at that moment, she almost broke out into tears when she thanked God for letting her speak to someone today, because speaking to someone means that she would have to exercise her vision/hearing/thought processing, and she’s actually gaining a lot from speaking to us. We were touched by her gratefulness, and we stood there listening to her under the void deck, for about 2 hours…

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She said that earlier on, someone at a nearby coffee shop said her that her spasms are faked, and she felt so insulted and upset, because she truly had no control over the spasms and it hurts her deeply that people despise her because of that. She admitted that she scolded that person for she was wronged, and she has dignity. And once she spasm-ed and fell onto a grass patch and couldn’t get up.

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She used to have, but now have lost most of her possessions in life. She was married to a man who got rich and then divorced her to be with another woman. She used to be a dancer (even showed us a photo of her holding onto trophies), but now have to deal with the spasms. It pains us so much to hear her degeneration. . But despite that, she kept repeating that she is grateful enough that she is able to have 3 meals a day and thanks God for that.

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We tried to persuade her to go home and not go to the market anymore, but when we walked away towards Hammy’s house, we peeped back and saw that she was already making her way to the market. We spied on her until she reached a place where there are more people, so if the spasms decide to start again, somebody would be in close proximity.

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Sigh, it’s really disheartening to hear old people having to suffer such things when they should be at home, surrounded by grandkids and family, enjoying their love and care. But a large portion of elderly in Singapore do not get to have that luxury. Or even when they have the opportunity to be taken care of at home, they might not be treated with the amount of respect that they deserve. They are old, but they are not without feelings and dignity. They are humans too. It’s not a good feeling to be forgotten and treated without respect. I would like to urge the younger generation to not have gerontophobia – fear of old people, and start by talking/listening to your own grandparents more. Show them that you love them and gain from their life experiences.

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In her eyes, we saw humility, gratefulness, and a dignity to live life, whatever it throws her. We took away her entire 77 years of life experience with us, and walked away with more life lessons than we can ever have with our 21 years of life. And 2 hours is not all that long to spare.

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I think my narration didn’t do the encounter justice. There’s just so much to say, I wished I had a videocam with me then I could share what she said with more people.  I wonder how are my own Gramps, who are thousand of miles away in Canada.

Letting go…

*Ok this is a ranting post, please skip it if you don’t want to read something depressing*

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I didn’t want to do this, but I couldn’t sleep.

10 years of friendship, and it’s just gone to the drain like that. Ever since you shot me with that sentence, I have been very upset and angry, that you would even say something like that. Yes, it may be my fault that I changed my mind about meeting you guys for dinner, but I just thought that going to chill at B’s house in the afternoon would be a better idea, since I could only choose one.

I didn’t expect you to say what you did, “Since you’re so busy, might as well don’t meet us at all.”

Here I was, telling you that I was going to B’s house to chill with you guys, and there you are, telling me that I can just skip it, just because I can’t make it for dinner. So going to B’s place is not considered as meeting up? Or I am just there to fill up the space at dinner?

I know you’re probably angry with me too, for not giving you girls my time. I just ask you all to be more understanding. I don’t disregard our friendship, I don’t think it’s trash. But people change. Friendships mature over time, just like old wine. Our lifestyles got different, thinking became different as we continued on with life separately. Perhaps my lifestyle and decisions strayed your path, but I don’t see our friendship as any lesser than it had first started out.

I know I’m not there for all the good times, when you all go for dinners and outings like to USS and even overseas. I can’t, because of my other commitments.  I don’t club, and I would prefer not to dine at expensive places. I just thought you guys would understand. I was looking forward to the last meeting, however it went all wrong. I chose not to go in the end, because me being me, I felt that the hurt was too great. Yes, I may be sensitive, but I don’t take too well of friends who threaten me like that.

However, I would just like to remind you that I was there for the bad times. Who rushed down when you were walking aimlessly and had a bad day? Who tried to comfort you with the best of her abilities when there was bad news? Who came down for a birthday party even though on the very same night, her mother had left home? Nobody knows, because I appear so happy to you all the time.

I’m not blaming anyone for not knowing. I’m just saying that, I treasured the friendships I had with you guys, but sometimes, I just have to learn to let go…

Just like I did with many others; I let go. Each one doesn’t hurt any lesser than any other.

But we grow.